Have you ever noticed that you become uncomfortable when things are going too well for you? Does it feel like there’s only a certain amount of goodness, love, and attention you’re able to accept in your life before you start to close down and subconsciously defend against any more goodness?
It’s the case for most of us, though we generally don’t recognize it on a conscious level. We all have a threshold for the amount of success and joy we can let in before we start to trigger defense mechanisms that actually lower our vibration to prevent any more of that which we really want from coming to us.
You may be reading this and thinking, No, that’s not me. I don’t do that.
But have you ever found it difficult to receive a compliment and really absorb the positive message? You might say, “thank you,” and listen and be polite, but do you truly let the words into your heart and receive them? For example, if someone told you, “You’re so great!” you might instantly say, “Oh, thanks!” or “Thank you for saying that.” It’s a very subtle deflection, but that rushed, quick rebound of energy is actually a defensive strategy. You didn’t pause to fully absorb the positive attention that was being offered to you because, on a subtle level, you found it uncomfortable. Instead, as soon as it came at you, there was a defense saying, Let me deflect this energy with a quick “thank you” so that I can feel comfortable again.
Why Do We Defend Against Feeling Too Much Joy?
For what reason do we limit our abundance and happiness? The answer is simple, but it requires a deeper awareness of our emotional landscape. One of the first things to understand is that our mind has labeled and compartmentalized our different feelings into a long list of emotions, each with a unique name (such as happiness, anger, or sadness) and a story of how they should be used.
However, the reality is that this long list of separate emotions is merely a mental framework and that the true nature behind all these feelings is a single source of emotional fuel. This fuel is like electricity. It is neither good nor bad. Yet it can be used to light up the world, or destroy and burn.
This is critical to understand. We may feel stuff that doesn’t feel good and we might act out in unhealthy ways when certain emotions rise to the surface, but we must remember that the energy itself behind what we’re feeling is wholesome and pure. We must learn to separate the energy behind a particular emotion from how we use that energy in our lives; otherwise, we risk condemning and judging parts of our emotional range, thus repressing them and creating shadows that will wreak havoc in our relationships.
Here’s an example: Jane is a passionate woman with a huge abundance of life force energy that she doesn’t know how to manage. She lets her unconscious lustful desire run her life, and she injures many hearts on her journey because she is unable to remain faithful. One day, the shame, guilt, and regret are so big that she decides she’s had enough and disciplines herself to a spiritual practice in which she abstains from sexual encounters, ensuring that she never feeds her hunger. Months pass, and she notices that her sparkle is gone and her exuberant spirit has diminished. What’s more, her craving is getting worse. Her shame keeps the hunger hidden, and she begins to act out in secret.
Eventually, Jane turns to Heart IQ for help. Through Heart IQ, she learns that she has been confusing her passionate sacred life force energy with how she has been using it. She has concluded that because this energy injured others on her path, that the energy itself is wrong, that her sexuality is dirty and should be hidden from the world, which only makes the situation worse. Jane’s work is to learn how to separate her unconscious actions from the pure passion gifted to her, so that she doesn’t continue to repress her sexuality and turn it into a shadow addiction.
With this understanding that emotions are invented labels in the mind and that there’s just one source of pure energy behind them all, let’s look at this final piece of the puzzle: If you want to increase your joy, you need to be open to feeling more of everything. If you want to open the floodgates of joy into your life, be prepared to open the floodgates to whatever is in your system that needs to be felt. Do you get why it might be scary to be intimate and joyful now? Intimacy and happiness require you to open your heart, and when you open your heart, you will inevitably contact your unworthiness as well. In fact, the more you open to joy, the stronger your core unworthiness will come up as you are getting closer to your goodness that lies beneath it.
This is a good thing, I promise! The art of Heart IQ™ is to get good with all your emotions, all shadows and all aspects inside of you, so that you don’t have to fear contacting anything, being free to go for joy, happiness, and abundance without your defenses kicking in and without you fearing what lies beneath it. Managing your defensive strategies is actually surprisingly simple. You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to try to repair any damage.
All you have to do is practice receiving loving attention with an open heart. How do we learn to stay open? By watching how we close. If you can take notice of how you go numb and emotionally check out when confronted with abundant affection or admiration, you will have the power to begin choosing to intentionally stay open instead. In the Heart IQ™ Accelerated Awakening Coaching Program, you’ll learn how to track these parts of you so that you can achieve this awareness and come into your joy and openness whenever you choose.
Sometimes our defensive strategies are subtle and unconscious, and sometimes they are more conscious and obvious - but either way, it’s necessary to come into intimate relationship with these parts of ourselves that keep us from feeling our natural state of abundance and joy.
To learn more about what you can do to let in more joy, happiness and prosperity on all levels, come and enrol in an upcoming Heart iQ Challenge. Christian will teach you how to receive more of what you want in life and profoundly and authentically live life from your heart.
Attend the Heart iQ Experience
A 4-Day Experiential Online (In-Person Also Available) Training Event For Your Personal, Relational & Professional Development in Heart iQ.