Relationships and couples intimacy plays an important part in our lives and often is a major factor in our level of happiness. It’s a subject we’ve all struggled with from time to time.
If you had to guess what the most important relationship factor is that impacts the health and harmony of a couple’s intimacy, what would you say?
Are you surprised to find out that it’s the couple’s environment that makes the biggest difference here?
The couple’s environment is a major contributor to an increase, or often decreases in intimacy, which in turn has further consequences on their relationship.
The couples environment includes four main components which, when looked at together instead of in isolation, form an integrative approach that sets Heart IQ™ relationship coaching apart from other modalities. Whether you want to enhance intimacy with your partner or you’re a professional who works with couples, you will need to address all four of these environmental dynamics if you truly want to make a lasting impact.
Any individual is a collection of parts. Some of your parts are integrated and you have a good relationship with, while others you don’t like, want to avoid or don’t even know exist. In Heart IQ™ these are called your blind spots and operate as an underground subconscious. Your blind spots have the most influence in your intimate relationships, unconsciously dictating how you move through life and in your relationships.
As the name suggests, blind spots can’t be identified without outside help, and a relationship enters into murky waters when one partner tries to ‘teach’ the other about their perceived blind spots. While this level of support can sometimes be found with peers, it’s more effective in a dedicated group or community of likeminded individuals who can provide a safe space to not only support our inner world and blind spots, but also the couple’s environment.
In Heart IQ™ relationship coaching, the goal is for each individual to come into health and wholeness with self, which includes helping them connect to their deepest truth around what they feel, what they want and who they are at their core. Working on some of those blind spots before entering into the Couple Container can make a real impact!
The couple container has two (or sometimes more) individuals with inner worlds connecting and colliding. As their various parts interact - sometimes they fight, sometimes they love each other, sometimes they have a great time, and sometimes they just want to kill each other. The couple must have a healthy container that can hold them both in their joy and in their pain. As the capacity for safety of this container increases, so does their intimacy, depth, and delight.
If this container gets fragmented or damaged, such as when trust is violated and broken, a couple can start acting very independently from one and other, connection is lost and a situation is created where a clear way out isn’t obvious. This is a clear example of a Couples Environment that leads to decreased intimacy.
In situations like this a Heart IQ™ Relationship Coach, at a couples event, workshop or through private coaching, would primarily work with the individual to come into health and integration by understanding his or her relationship to their pain, effectively zooming out and seeing the bigger picture. Without a neutral 3rd party this dynamic will keep reoccurring, the Couples Environment can degrade and the relationship will ultimately not be successful.
The family system includes generational patterns that come down the line from our parents, grandparents and beyond. Whatever is unresolved from one generation gets passed on to the next. Kids absorb both your conscious and your unconscious parts by osmosis, so whatever leaks, unhealthy patterns or deficits are unaddressed in the couple’s container will get filled by and expressed through the children. Acknowledging this fact imposes a massive responsibility on a couple as parents, and even further stacks the scales for asking for outside help.
Heart IQ™ Relationship Coaches working at our events, workshops, and even providing online support can play an enormous role in giving you the opportunity to stop generational pain in its tracks! This type of healing has a MASSIVE influence on the health of the individual, the couple and the family unit.
The environmental component that most people miss in relationship coaching is that of community. In today’s culture we’ve been taught to only ask for help from family or friends, or to seek out a therapist if things get really bad. Many of us have been conditioned to think we are weak or doing something wrong in our relationship, in our life or as a parent if we need help. If people, couples, individuals and families are left to do it on their own, they will struggle. It is not coincidence that all parts of the Couples Environment - the inner world, couple container and family system - function best in a community of like-minded and educated couples and individuals.
What would the world look like if intact, healthy communities collectively held each other and provided a profound source of support, love and encouragement? The beauty of
a) we can’t really do this on our own, and b) we really don’t have to!
The Heart IQ™ Network celebrates over 10 years of success supporting individuals and couples make a shift in their lives. Our events and workshops support couples in trouble, those celebrating many years of joy and happiness, as well as single people wanting to get a head start before they meet that special person.
If you answered YES to at least one of those questions, then we know you’re going to love our upcoming FREE 60 minute Master Class where Christian will be showing you: