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How to Ask For What You Really Want

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We all have basic human needs and desires that require other people to meet them. Otherwise, without this necessary exchange with others, we will shut down to life, becoming overtaken by our defence mechanisms in unhealthy ways, and possibly turning into ‘energetic vampires,’ unconsciously taking energy from those around us. Some examples of human needs are being touched, seen, felt, understood, ravished, nurtured, matched, surrendered and relaxed.

In today's blog, we explore this vital ingredient to life. The first video expands on what it means to ask for what you want and to get your needs met.



There is enormous power NOT ONLY in asking for what you want from another, but also in being WITNESSED by others in the asking. Witnessing creates an anchor that changes your body’s cellular memories, which is a key part if we want to create a new sustainable reality. The mind can forget, but the body never does. These next two videos demonstrate the beauty of asking for what we want from others while being witnessed in a large amplified field.




Even though you’re watching these experiences through video, can’t you still feel the palpable and juicy energy of what it’s like to hold space for others who are asking for what their heart truly wants? Can you imagine in both of these examples how different those moments would have felt if those people had not been witnessed by others in their asking?

This is one of the critical components that makes Heart IQ™ so special - the conviction that we’re not meant to do it all on our own. The healing power, expansion and ‘medicine’ that’s available when we do this together creates an accelerated awakening for us all.





  • In this exercise, you will be asking one person for something that you would like to receive.

  • Step out of your comfort zone and stretch yourself by asking someone who is not so easy to ask for something that feels risky to ask for.

  • There are two stretches to go for in the exercise:
    • What you are asking for – what would you really love to receive or let in right now if you could ask for anything?
    • Who you are asking it from – who do you really feel drawn to receive from rather than picking the person who you think will say yes or won’t mind you asking them?
  • This is a TACTILE check in, so make sure you choose something that involves physical contact (even though it may include eye contact, stillness or holding space).
  • When someone has been asked and they accept, the person receiving will stay where they are and the person who is giving comes to them.

  • When the process is complete, the person receiving then says, “With that, I’m in.”
  • Here's an example of how this exercise works:
    • “I would like to check-in.”  
    • “I’d like to ask you, Bill, to come over here and hold me from behind and rock me side-to-side.  Would you do that for me?”
    • If Bill agrees, then Bill will acknowledge his agreement, get up from his seat and go to Judy, and sit on the chair or floor behind her so Judy’s receiving space can begin. Everyone else in the circle witnesses and holds space.


  • Receive from one person only.

  • Do not ask for volunteers. It is vital that you directly ask for what you want from the person from whom you want to receive. Asking directly brings us face-to-face with the possibility of rejection as we never know if the person we ask will say yes or no. 

  • The purpose of the exercise is to confront our core unworthiness and the terror of being rejected by daring to ask for what we really want. We all have an unconscious habit of blocking ourselves from receiving ‘too much’ joy and goodness because we don’t feel worthy of the ‘yes’ and are terrified to get a ‘no.’  This is a primary reason for learning Heart Intelligence – so we can navigate our automatic defense responses that ‘protect’ our sense of unworthiness and eventually learn how to open our hearts, bodies and minds to having more joy in our lives.

  • The receiving will last around 1-2 minutes. It is up to the GIVER to track the time and take responsibility for ending the exchange so the receiver can completely relax.

  • If you are asked to give to someone, take a moment pause and tune in to the feeling of wanting or not wanting to give in the way that is being asked.  Close your eyes and feel into whether it feels right to give what is being asked. If not, you are free to say ‘no.’
  • Remember that if someone says ‘no’ to your request, then simply ask your next choice and keep going until someone says ‘yes.’  (Stay light as you mention this point.)